Hope Contagium

A therapy journal of self-obsession, depression and meaning.

Tag: sadness

A Day

Another gray day making its mark on a black soul.

A gray day.
A gray mood.
A black soul.

Mediocre life.
No value.
No meaning.



I felt sick. My body wanted to vomit this feeling out. I was looking for a false truth, hoping for dreams to come true. My lonely dreams. When clarity hit my face I felt sick to the bone. My throat was thick and feelings were pushing to get out. Now, I cry easily, so the stinging in my eyes was not news. But the sickness filled my body as a poison. Poisoned by my own mind, I had tricked myself as many times before. I am used to depression, but this wasn’t melancholy or sadness. I was hurt. I hurt myself… My confusion got the best of me. For the next minutes I suffered and then the hurt passed. It was a possessive feeling, reminding me of who I am.


Today I want to vomit. I want to push all sadness out of my body. I feel sick. I want to give up, give in and fall over. Let myself go. Just fall to the ground and stay there…

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