Hope Contagium

A therapy journal of self-obsession, depression and meaning.

Tag: nothing

A Day of Nothing

The gentle rocking is usually like a cradle, the constant humming an inane lullaby. But today I was wide awake in the train. It was one of those days where you’re in between. Neither happy, nor sad. Not excited or bored. I just kinda felt empty. I guess I was tired of all emotions, I was letting life take over… As it always does.
Through the day I had learned a life lesson; I gained a motto; I received a compliment. None of which had the biggest effect on me. Then, standing in the same spot for the third hour a little surprise hit me: I was given a chunk of yellow hard candy. Of course I gladly accepted it threw it in my mouth.
The day had passed on slowly. A colleague, I thought was a friend, had ignored me twice just walking right by me as he left the store. Two acquaintances from high school approached me and had treated me as if they didn’t know me. As if we hadn’t spent three years of our lives in the same building, seeing each others faces almost every day. A costumer hadn’tĀ even spared me a glance as I opened the door for her and her occupied hands.
So… A day feeling nothing; a day filled with nothing.

Loser of Life

I’m overflown with the feeling of hopelessness. Suddenly I see no future in myself. I give up constantly. Why? I don’t understand why I have this helplessness in me. I could do everything and anything once. So may possibilities, so many choices. Now I feel like nothing. Like I’ve lost in life. I’m just no good…

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