Hope Contagium

A therapy journal of self-obsession, depression and meaning.

Tag: kindness

Angels

Sometimes angels are sent to you from the heavens above. Sometimes they appear as completely normal human-beings.
Well I met an angel today. She was sweet as honey with a pure heart of gold. Her approach to me was gentle and being around her was like being embraced by kindness.
My day had been eventful in the simplest matter and now I had a few obstacles to endure. My face was red in various places, it was worn out from recent activities, I hadn’t had the chance to eat for 24 hours and I could feel the lack of food weakening my body. I couldn’t stand straight. I almost felt that I either could faint or vomit from the hunger.
She told me she had chocolates in her purse and that I’m welcome to have one. A little chocolate might help, I thought. She disappeared for a while, only to return with a golden package as long as my hand. Twix. The whole bar was for me. She hid it in the bottom drawer, since work would prohibit me from indulging freely, and left again leaving great generosity floating in the air.
As I sat down to investigate the Twix more carefully, I felt a certain jump of adventure. I opened and took a bite. I closed my eyes as I chewed. I could taste heaven. Her heaven.
Thank you Sofia.

Brain Scan

At the brain scan clinic (where my father took me, because he refused to pay for any treatment, before he had proof of my so called “depression”), after all the procedures, I got a heavy folder with papers on my results and recommended brain nourishment.
Now, three years later, I’m sorting through all my paper piles and rereading this brain folder. At the end of the evaluation papers (I should mention how strange and alien it is to read an objective evaluation of yourself) I read:

“Marmaladescreams, you are suffering enormously, but I am optimistic that the recommendations we discussed will be helpful. Please do not give up. Things will get better. Let me know if I can help with ECT arrangements.”

A slight burn makes its mark on my eyes. Back then, it all felt like a nightmare. Not the depression or psychosis but everything else happening around me. All the sadness and unkindness from the people around me. Reading this message reminded me of kindness – that even strangers could care. Some could see my sorrow and I’m thankful for everyone who tried to help me.

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