Hope Contagium

A therapy journal of self-obsession, depression and meaning.

After The High

Depression always hits you after you’ve been soaring high. I was happy for about 24 hours (come and go), but after the excitement wore off so did the joy. I’m fine now, but it was devastating when I realized that this time I hadn’t prepared myself for a downfall. Usually I’m careful about being too happy, I know I’ll fall over, again, eventually. This time I forgot what was waiting ahead after the high. It’s like I’m permanently broken or dysfunctional; always having to pick myself up. Maybe I’m just scarred from my depression and the scar is too apparent to forget and ignore. Maybe i can’t handle the grays in life or maybe I simply want more than there is. Maybe enough time hasn’t passed. Or maybe, this is just me.


Sometimes angels are sent to you from the heavens above. Sometimes they appear as completely normal human-beings.
Well I met an angel today. She was sweet as honey with a pure heart of gold. Her approach to me was gentle and being around her was like being embraced by kindness.
My day had been eventful in the simplest matter and now I had a few obstacles to endure. My face was red in various places, it was worn out from recent activities, I hadn’t had the chance to eat for 24 hours and I could feel the lack of food weakening my body. I couldn’t stand straight. I almost felt that I either could faint or vomit from the hunger.
She told me she had chocolates in her purse and that I’m welcome to have one. A little chocolate might help, I thought. She disappeared for a while, only to return with a golden package as long as my hand. Twix. The whole bar was for me. She hid it in the bottom drawer, since work would prohibit me from indulging freely, and left again leaving great generosity floating in the air.
As I sat down to investigate the Twix more carefully, I felt a certain jump of adventure. I opened and took a bite. I closed my eyes as I chewed. I could taste heaven. Her heaven.
Thank you Sofia.

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