Hope Contagium

A therapy journal of self-obsession, depression and meaning.

I didn’t make it all up…

I didn’t make it all up with my imagination. The way I see things right now is not an illusion because the way I view the world is my reality. So hence it is reality. Since there is no other than mine in the life I live and… Why shouldn’t I think existence is nothing but darkness? Darkness is all that consumes me lately.

The Prelude Pathetique

When I look back at my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened, it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully the lie of it all is much more honest, because, I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms, particles and quantum physics. They can be lost forever. It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again. It’s not that I’ve been dishonest. It’s just that I loath reality.

– Marry The Night (2011), Lady Gaga

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